To The First Time Mom,

From this first time mom,

I remember what it was like those months/weeks/days/hours/minutes before your baby is born.  I remember the excitement and fear all mixed together.  I remember fearing that something would go wrong and being so excited for meeting him all at the same time.

I'm here to tell you this, it is still scary and exciting, but embrace it!

I am now a first time mom to a one-year-old BOY!  And I mean BOY!  He could care less if he scrapes his knees and feet on the concrete because he will do whatever it takes to get his dogs!  He could care less about smelling and having food in his hair because it means that he is eating well.  He is a mess 9 times out of 10 but he is all boy and he is all mine!

I've learned a few things in this past year, and although it might not all apply to you, I hope you take it with a grain of salt and hopefully not feel alone when you come across the same things.

Lesson 1:
Mama Guilt - no matter what it's about, you will have it and it will suck.  It will consume you and it is up to you to figure out how to accept it.  For me?  Mama guilt was all about nursing and going back to work.  How dare I not stay home with my sweet little babe forever!  Well we have bills and those babies are expensive and we live in CA!  How dare I give my baby formula when my body is fully capable of sustaining his hunger!  Well think again.  I tried and tried, cried and cried.  After 2 months of nursing and formula, mentally it was just better to stop.  He was barely getting enough milk from me to get him by and it was making me more of an emotional wreck.  My Mama Guilt has never gone away, but it has changed over the past year.  I now feel guilty about not always being there for him when he is learning new things, like while I am at work, but I know that he is well cared for and I give him 100% of my attention as much as I can.  Don't give up, just find a way to get through it.

Lesson 2:
Comparing - I had a lot of trouble with this my first couple of months as a mom.  I would constantly compare my life to others' and question what I was doing wrong.  My friends would have babies and nurse them forever and here I was not.  My friends would have babies and stay home and still live great lives and here I was working.  Just stop!  Learn that they think you are the bee's knees too and it's okay.  We all do it, but we need to remember that we are friends and need to support one another.  I am happy for those moms that get to breastfeed for 12 months and I am proud of the moms who know when it is time to stop and choose what is best for them and their baby.  I am happy that I have friends who do get to stay home with their babies and still live a great life, it gives me and the hubs more motivation to make that our life one day.  I am happy with my life and I have to remember that comparing our lives to other's lives is not going to make it change, so instead we just work towards our own goals and support our friends' decisions.

Lesson 3:
Baby Weight - Ugh, must we talk about it?  Of course!  Because it is a thing and as much as you might say you don't think about it, I'm sure you actually do.  When I got pregnant with Caleb I was already at a number that I wasn't too happy with.  Then while pregnant I gained 34 pounds and that was frightening, but it was all worth it because Caleb was born strong and healthy.  After baby I was determined to lose that baby weight, plus some!  Well it's not like I started working out or anything, but I did manage to lose all 34 extra pounds by the time Caleb was 6 months old.  I was super proud of myself.  I walked a lot and definitely watched what I ate.  If I had actually gone to the gym and done workouts I'm sure it would have come off faster, but I'm not that dedicated, which is something that I know about myself.  Now 6 more months after that, I am 5 pounds less then I weighed when I got pregnant with Caleb and couldn't be happier.  It takes time.  We are not celebrities with professional trainers and home chefs.  We will not be back down to our pre-baby weight in 2 weeks and smiling!  Face it, you grew a freaking beautiful little human being and the weight is worth it.  If you want to change it, it is up to you.  Just know that you aren't alone!

Lesson 4:
Learn As You Go - I definitely don't know it all and I was super hopeful that once I became a Mom I would have all the answers, because let's face it, your mom knows everything right?  Mine sure does but I am still waiting for that magical day when I don't ask her what I'm supposed to do.  When will I know how to make a screaming baby stop screaming?  When will I know how to get my now toddler to stop throwing a tantrum?  You will face many things that you will have no idea how to do (umbilical cord, clipping fingernails/toenails for the first time, first bath) but just remember that we all didn't know either.  That's the beauty of being a first-time mom, there are millions of us out there who don't know all the same things as you.

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There are many more things I have learned over the past year, but most of all I have learned that none of it matters as long as you are trying and giving it your all.  Your baby will have no idea if you dressed him in 4 different outfits one day because every onesie  you managed to get on his head is too short in the body.  Your baby will have no idea if you make two 2 ounce bottles instead of a 4 ounce in the first place.  Your baby will have no idea that you don't know what to do with his umbilical cord once it falls off.

But guess what your baby will know?

Your baby will know your smell and touch.  Your baby will know you voice.  Your baby will know how much you love them and that is all that matters.

So from this first-time mom to you, I wish you luck and love.  I hope that you realize that you are doing it right because none of us really ever know what we are doing right away.

And just think, soon you can pass your experiences on to others and they could benefit from it! :)