Single Mom Life - We Almost Didn't Make It

So for the past 2 & 1/2 weeks Ryan has been gone for Army training and it has been me and my 3 boys (yes, I include Hank, the yellow Lab, and Ronin, the brown Brittany).  We struggled, and by we I completely mean me.  It was way tougher then I thought and here are some reasons why (on top of being pregnant and hormonal).

We had about 2 months notice about Ryan being gone 12/7 - 12/11 and 12/14 - 12/18.  Of course I started stressing out about money and bills right away because that is two and three weeks before Christmas and without Ryan working his full-time job that meant no pay check for 3 weeks.  Ryan assured me, as he always does, that we would be okay and we would manage to get through it like we always do.

Time went on and as I was mentally preparing myself for Ryan to be gone for two weeks we were approaching his birthday, 12/3.  Well we got the all on 12/1 saying that Ryan was to report for orders on 12/3 at 0700.  Seriously!  So now Ryan would miss his birthday being with us and two more additional days of work.  To say this caused a little stress was an understatement.

Ryan went to training 12/3 - 12/5 and returned home completely exhausted.  I can't blame him.  Those three days of him being gone were good.  It gave me an idea of how the following two weeks would go.  I had complete confidence in myself and that I would be able to manage to keep all of us alive and happy while he was gone.

Well here came 12/7 and the start of my single mom life as I've been calling it.  Everything was different.  Ryan is usually off on Mondays and keeps Caleb and that wasn't an option now so I had to find alternative childcare.  Ryan also gets off earlier then I do most other days of the week and is the one who gets Caleb meaning that I get home around 4 every day and get to enjoy time with my boys before making dinner and doing our night time routine.  Now that I was in charge of getting Caleb every single day, I wasn't getting home until 5:15 sometimes 5:30.  My kid eats dinner promptly at 5:00 every night so it just started out our evenings together just splendid.

The first week came and went and we managed to survive.  Luckily for me, and Caleb, Ryan managed to come home Wednesday night that first week so that was a nice cuddle session for my mid-week sleep :)

Saturday Ryan and I had planned a date night and to finally go out to dinner to celebrate his birthday.  Caleb also decided that day that he was going to get a fever and start teething something fierce.  Caleb started a hunger strike and eventually wasn't doing anything but sleeping.  Ryan had to go back to training first thing Monday morning and it was once again, me and my three boys.

This last week has been rough.  Mentally and physically.  I am naturally a very pessimistic person; it isn't something I love about myself, but having Ryan being the optimistic one in our house works out for us.  Everything came piling down at once, or so it seemed.  Caleb was getting his molars and not wanting to have anything but have everything all at the same time.  Bills were coming due and the Army is not the fastest at paying you, as in we still haven't been completely paid for the training he was doing.  Ryan was gone and this time it wasn't just me at home like during deployments.  I've never felt more alone and like such a failure in my entire life.

I have a great family.  My mom is literally there whenever I need her, but I feel as though I should have been able to do this on my own.  My husband is the best.  He supports me 150% at all times and does everything in his power to help provide us with the best life possible.  But there is something about watching your child, your baby, just sit there and cry, and cry.  He refused to eat everything he asked for.  He refused to drink anything for me.  He wanted me to hold him but would kick and scream the second I did.  How do you fix that?  How do you help that?  He can't tell me exactly what's hurting him or what's wrong and that is so frustrating to me.  I know that nothing about this is abnormal.  I know that kids teethe and they don't feel good and because they can't vocalize things yet they just make noise because it's all they can do.  I get it.  Trust me.  But I just couldn't handle it.

Let me say that I am in no way blind to how obnoxious this seems.  But at the same time, I feel ya single moms.  Whether you chose to do it on your own, or unfortunately were left with no choice, I feel ya.  It sucks that you can't have a bad day because your partner isn't there to make it all better and help with the kids.  It sucks that you can't not make dinner for yourself and run to Subway after they go to sleep because you can't leave them home alone in their cribs.

I am glad that the past 2 & 1/2 weeks are over, but I now know what I need to work on in the coming months before it happens again.  Because yes, my husband will be leaving us again in the not so distant future.  The next time it will be for a longer amount of time and he won't be within coming home distance if absolutely necessary.

Do you have any tips for me?  Does it get easier as they get a little older?